Since I was 6 years old, I had a clear aspiration to become a teacher. My desire to teach stemmed from wanting to be the kind of teacher I wished I had when I was a student - someone who could relate to me, who would embrace my unconventional way of thinking, even if it didn't always seem logical but was effective nonetheless. I always knew without a doubt that teaching was my calling.
After finishing high school, I immediately enrolled in college to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher. I was filled with excitement as I advanced through the education program. Time flew by during my college years. When the time came to apply for teaching positions, we were told there were 100 applicants for each open teaching job due to the surplus of teachers graduating from college. It was said to be challenging for a first-year teacher to secure a job. Surprisingly, I was hired after just one interview, becoming the first teacher in my student teaching cohort to land a teaching position. I was excited for the new adventure that lay ahead. Little did I know that this would be the most difficult and trying time of my teaching career.
When I received the keys to my classroom for the first time, I vividly remember the feeling of being overwhelmed yet excited as I entered my classroom for the first time. The room was filled with social studies, reading, and science textbooks, many of which were outdated. I was handed a large math binder to use as a guide, but I lacked any instruction on how to effectively teach it. Despite feeling overwhelmed, I was also filled with excitement, confident that everything would eventually fall into place.
Unfortunately, not everything went smoothly. I faced challenges as I was responsible for teaching math, science, and reading, all subjects that had standardized tests. Reflecting on it, my main difficulty was grasping the standards. I would search through teaching stores for books to assist me in understanding how to teach these standards I started teaching before online resources were popular so resources were limited. As I searched through the bookstores I found zero resources about our state standards. I was left with only broad statements that had very little meaning to me as a brand new teacher.
Through the first several months I struggled to comprehend the standards and relied on outdated resources to plan my lessons, feeling like I was navigating blindly each day. Despite my efforts, I dedicated long hours from 6:00am to 6:30pm daily, which took a toll on my health as I rapidly lost weight, my clothes no longer fitting. I developed an ulcer and kept a bottle of Mylanta on my desk, which I would drink straight from. I spent many moments in tears, feeling overwhelmed, undertrained, and without any support. My mentor only had one year of teaching experience, and my administration criticized me for not dedicating enough time to planning, even suggesting I redo student teaching. The sound of my principal walking through the halls filled me with dread. I knew that as soon as she walked in the room she would drain the classroom of any sense of joy. She would inspect my classroom, seeking out flaws without offering solutions, leaving me feeling demoralized. She was not a principal that offered support. She was a principal that only offered intense criticism.
During my first semester as a teacher, I spent numerous hours seeking out every type of profressional development. I wanted ro grow as a teacher. I worked closely with a math specialist from the district and observed the teaching methods of other reading teachers. No matter how hard I worked or how hard I tried, I did not meet my principal's expectations. No matter what, she was never satisfied. Nevertheless, I continued to promote a passion for learning in my classroom, even in the face of her constant disapproval.
In December of that year, my hope of being an effective teacher was completely shattered. On the last day before Christmas break, the students in my class were being sponsored by a local bank, each receiving a new jacket and a pair of shoes. While the students were enjoying their gifts, I was called out for a sudden meeting with the principal. The meeting took place in an empty classroom nearby, where I could hear the laughter and happiness of my students in the background. The principal informed me that she didn't believe things were working out and that my contract would not be renewed. I was taken aback and couldn't hold back my tears. It was only December. I had given literally everything to my job. How could she have this converastion with me in December? I felt a mix of emotions, including anger. I was upset that she chose that moment to break the news and that she saw me in such a vulnerable state. After composing myself as best as I could, I returned to my classroom, trying to put on a brave face, but my students could sense something was wrong and started asking questions. I had to deflect their concerns by saying I was just tired and swiftly changing the topic. We proceeded with our party, and once the students left for the Christmas break, I made a decision. I had made up my mind to quit teaching, feeling completely drained and devoid of motivation. With tears in my eyes, I told my husband of my decision when I got home.
I informed him that I could no longer teach anymore. He listened patiently and after I finished, he suggested that I wait for one more semester and complete the year. He believed that I had a calling to be a teacher and encouraged me not to give up. We both agreed that I would finish out the year, submit my resignation, and move to a different school. During the Christmas break, I took the time to relax. Upon returning to school in January, I stopped trying to please my principal and assistant principal and focused solely on teaching. I felt more at peace without worrying about their opinions, as I had nothing left to lose. What were they going to do? Fire me? Already done! I dedicated myself to mastering the curriculum and understanding the standards, as well as creating meaningful experiences for my students. At the end of the year, my principal called me to her office and praised the performance of my students on standardized tests. She acknowledged that my students had achieved success despite her decision to nonrenew me. She commended my perseverance in the face of nonrenewal, noting that many teachers would have given up. She expressed her belief that I had the potential to become an excellent teacher. Although taken aback by her compliments, considering her past behavior, I smiled, said thank you, and never talked to her again that year.
The next year I was hired at a school where my sole focus was teaching mathematics. I was fortunate to collaborate with two exceptionally skilled math educators. Despite the absence of a formal math curriculum, they possessed a deep understanding of the standards. They guided me in deconstructing the standards, developing lessons based on them, organizing them in a logical sequence, crafting assessments, and formulating word problems. Over the course of two years, they mentored me closely. . Because of them I can take any standard and create an hour long lesson. I credit them entirely for shaping me into the educator I am today
Throughout my two decades in education, I have come to understand that no pre-packaged curriculum or digital platform can completely meet the needs of your students. It is essential to have a deep understanding of your standards in order to effectively educate your students in a manner that is truly beneficial to them.
I discovered that I could excel as a teacher despite my school adminstration. I realized I didn't need their approval and I was never going to get it anyways. Hearing that I would not be renewed before Christmas break turned out to be a blessing in disguise, even though I didn't see it that way initially. It gave me the freedom to teach authentically and in a manner I believed was necessary without the fear of losing my job. I had the liberty to fully engage with my curriculum standards without the constant supervision of an administrator checking my every move. Since they had already given up on me, they left me alone to do whatever I wanted during the spring semester.
I have been an educator for 20 years now, and my passion remains as strong as it was when I was a young college student. Throughout my career, I have served as a teacher, an assistant principal, an instructional coach, and returned to teaching. Every stage of my professional journey has contributed to shaping the teacher I am today. I am grateful that I persevered through the challenges of my first year of teaching. If I had given up then, I would have missed out on numerous joyful experiences.
It is worth mentioning that the principal who fired me during my first year of teaching approached me a decade later to teach math for her. She acknowledged that I had indeed developed into an excellent teacher as she had anticipated after she fired me. Thanks, but no thanks.
Comments